If I didn't have adult ADD, I would be unstoppable.  I have had the most productive week.  If I were always like this, I would be running both North AND South Korea.  And, quite possibly, the northern part of China.

In between projects, I have been joining Mega Millions lottery pools and daydreaming about how to spend my money:

-Gentleman's farm in the country with lots of goats and dogs.
-Hire Snoop Dog for the house warming.
-Purchase a new pussy wagon.  Cherry red with a white roof and white wall tires.  And lots of chrome. It would be sweet.
-Rent out a cruise ship and bring all my friends and family on a week long cruise.  Now that we all have kids, it will probably be a Disney Cruise ship.
-Run for Congress.  Why not?  If Hank the Cat can run for Senate, I can run for Congress.

Now I'm off to deal with some Jokers.

We Found Love in the Hunger Games

I had to share this.

Grease is the word. Indeed.

Batman was really sick over the weekend.  It turned out to be a bad case of strep but I ran him to the ER because we were afraid it was meningitis.  Anyhoo, I'm way behind on work, so just stopping in to post the bling of the day:

I'm not one to mix my metals, but it looks great with a silver jacket that would be just like the one Rizzo wore if only it were pink.

Sadly, my name is not monogrammed on my jacket.  Sad face.

It's Official

I may resent the arrival of spring, but it is here nonetheless.  Might as well make the best of it.  I put my point-n-shoot camera in my bag and snapped some pics of DC in spring.  Enjoy!

I gripe a lot about my commute, but it is really scenic.  I am blown away daily by the landscape and the monuments.  But that doesn't mean I won't bitch and complain about sitting in traffic.  Here are a few snapshots from yesterday morning.

Arlington House on the hill, Lady Bird Johnson is responsible for the fields of daffodils.  

Lincoln Memorial and Washington Monument, from the bridge.

Vietnam War Memorial

Albert Einstein.  He wears a Santa hat in December.

Happy Spring, everyone!

Migrating Herds

The annual migration to Washington, DC, has begun.  In a tradition familiar to watchers of the National Geographic channel, Americans of all races, states, and economic means load up the family truckster and schools cram dozens of sweaty 8th graders into buses.  Educational spring break trips to Washington are underway. 

Itineraries will include a visit to the Capitol and (probably) a meeting with an elected representative, the Washington Monument, a cruise past the White House, and a visit to at least one Smithsonian Institution - all so the kids can claim the highlight of the trip was shopping at Pentagon City mall and ordering room service.

We locals curse the traffic (my commute time has doubled, ugh) but thank those that spend their hard earned money in our region.  Gotta run.  Time to watch tourists play Frogger on Henry Bacon Drive!

Football

A good portion of my Facebook page and Twitter feed this morning has been consumed with the announcement that Peyton Manning is going to Denver to play for the Broncos.  Comments vary from those that love the Broncos but hate Manning, those that love Manning but hate the Broncos, those that hate both Manning and the Broncos, those that are pissed Manning didn't choose their team (Raiders fans, looking at you), and those that don't really care but feel compelled to comment because this is big NFL news (me).

Despite all the concerns voiced by Tim Tebow fans, this actually makes a lot of sense.  Tebow will be taken in the Rapture, which will happen prior to the end of the world in December (per the Mayan calendar).  The Broncos are doing the smart thing by signing someone to lead the team in his absence.  After all, no one knows when the Rapture will happen - right, Harold Camping?  

Baby steps

I have taken the first step toward the sell/buy/move we have planned:  I have rented the storage unit.  I haven't put anything in it yet, but it's rented.  I have also scheduled a handyman to start the yard long list of things to repair/replace before listing the Batcave for sale.  So that's something.

I'm pretty overwhelmed by the amount of stuff that needs to get done.  When we sold my condo, we did all the work ourselves.  Nine years later, we have less time and more commitments, so we are going to hire out most of the work.  It will likely cost less than marriage counseling and babysitters.

Screw you, spring!

I am refusing to give in to this beautiful weather we are having.  I know it's a trick.  A mind fuck to get us to think that it will be blue skies and 70 degrees so that we pack away all our cold weather gear - just in time for the temperature to slip back into the 30s.

To throw spring off, I am pretending to enjoy it.  I've opened the windows, worn short sleeves, gone for long walks at lunch time.  Hell, I've even admired the cherry blossoms and daffodils that line my commute (side note: Thanks, Lady Bird Johnson, for beautifying America's roadways!)  However, I know that this won't last and I'm keeping the coats, scarves, and gloves around.  Spring can suck up to me in mid-April.

Politics Is Ugly

Virginia has an open Senate seat this year.  After some soul searching, I have decided that I'm 98.5% sure I'm not running for the seat, mostly because I'm lazy, poor, and have skeletons in just about every closet in the Batcave.

After watching the George Allen "Macaca" video over and over again, I have found a candidate I can get behind.  Sadly, a Super PAC has begun running negative campaign ads against him:

And now this:

Politics is not for the feint of heart.

Hank for Senate!!

Today's accessory

With dark skinny jeans and a heather gray cowl neck sweater.

In other news, today is a pretty big day in pop culture history.  Fifteen years ago today, Buffy the Vampire Slayer debuted AND Notorious B.I.G. was gunned down.  

Run for your lives!

Norovirus is holding the Washington, DC, region in a state of terror.  Schools have been closed, hand sanitizer has flown off store shelves, the nightly news runs regular updates on the current status.  So, of course, Batman came down with it.  We hate to miss a good infestation.  

I was home with him Monday and Wednesday, and The Spouse covered Tuesday.  Thankfully, he's back at school today.  I'm way behind on work, just stopping in to yell, "The Sky is Falling!!"

I'm a ho

I've turned into a sucker for shop at home parties.  I used to hate attending Mary Kay (no!  I DON'T want to be a Mary Kay lady), Pampered Chef (loved the food, but it was way too expensive for my broke ass), or any of the other shows that I was invited to attend.  I would politely decline unless backed into a corner.

Sometime in the past year, I relented, and now I am a shop-at-home-party slut. Bags?  Sure, I'm there!  Jewelry?  Yes, I'd love to host a party!  I have a problem.  I must stop.

This weekend, I co-hosted a lia sophia jewelry party with a friend (at her house, because the Batcave is a pit of dispair).  After hours of playing with sparkly things, two glasses of sangria, and a glass of champagne, I ordered way too much stuff, but got it for a STEAL as the hostess.  Shut your traps, haters!  When my order arrives, I'll post a photo.

Runaway Dog!

The Dynamic Duo have invented a new game they love to play more than anything else:  Runaway Dog.  This consists of screaming in the dogs' faces and/or chasing after them with a wiffle bat.  There is lots of shrieking, laughter, screaming, running, and stampeding involved.  I'm not sure that there is a goal, aside from creating a runaway dog.

You see where this is going, right?  It's only a matter of time until someone gets bit. We have warned them of this consequence, forbidden the game, done our best to distance the children from the dogs, and told Batman and Robin that if they get bit it is their own fault.  Finally, we told them that there would be shots.  Lots and lots of shots involved if they got bit by a dog.  That's the only thing that made an impression on them.

The other night, as we were reading Where the Wild Things Are, we noticed something.  Max plays Runaway Dog when he is creating mischief of one kind or another.  Let the wild rumpus begin!

Minions

Busy, busy, busy today.  Just a minute to pop in to say how I excited I am to be interviewing potential minions interns. My criteria is pretty stringent:  they must be literate and not a serial killer. I really need one at home, but I guess I will have to make do with one in the office.  Hope someone works out.

Afternoon update:  Have extended an offer...

Lockdown

Batman announced last week at dinner that his school would be having a lockdown drill.  He proceeded to tell us all about what he had been told he would experience.  There were, apparently, some aliens and clone troopers involved.  That's one hell of a lockdown drill, kid.  He was somewhat less enthusiastic when it was over.  Apparently, the clone troopers didn't show.  Bummer.

I hate that my children live in a world where they have to participate in lockdown drills, and I pray they will never have to participate in a real lockdown.  I would trade my soul with the devil for them not to be the reason for the lockdown.

When does parenting get easier?

Crushed

The house that I've had a crush on has gone under contract.  That's fine.  There will be other houses that hopefully won't need a complete bathroom remodel.  And more houses should be coming on the market as we get closer to spring/summer.

Still, I'm a little bummed.

My Fetish

I have a Barbie Fetish, have I mentioned that before?  Oh, how I love Barbie.  Many feminists despise her because they think she presents an unrealistic version of how women are expected to look and that girls will suffer because they will never live up to that ideal.  Me?  I loved Barbie when I was growing up because she could be whatever she wanted to be and was always properly attired.  Yes, it helps that I never struggled with my weight until recently, but I don't have any boobs to speak of and I'm still somewhat well adjusted.

Now that we have that out of the way, let's take a look at today's purchase, shall we?

Oh, yes.  I may not have the royal wedding tea towels or postage stamps, but I have the Royal Wedding Barbies on pre-order!

How I make my living

This hits so close to home, it's not funny.  Except it is.

Give some VD love

Happy Valentine's Day, lovers!  I myself am not a huge fan of VD (either meaning).  I don't hate it or run screaming from it like either one of my husbands, but I don't really embrace it either.

The Spouse hates having to live up to VD expectations.  And, I'll admit, I expect flowers for VD. (I don't care who gets them for me.  I'll buy them myself if I have to.)  But I don't expect nor want jewelry or gigantic stuffed animals.  A fancy dinner would be nice, but that's only because I really like to eat.  The Other Spouse hates VD because he is a hopeless romantic who hasn't found that special someone to spend the day with, but I keep holding out hope.  I strongly support gay marriage because one day I hope he marries a well connected rich man with a beach house and has a full open bar at the wedding.  

But now I have two men in my life who adore Valentine's Day.  I received the most awesome pinch pot yesterday.  I was going to bring it in to my office to join the other made-with-love pottery in my collection, however, Batman decided it should stay home and reside in our new "collection cabinet" where the only other occupant is a box of spare hardware.

Tell me this doesn't melt your heart:

It is quite possibly the best VD gift I have ever received, aside from my stuffed dog Jojo that I received when I was 7 and slept with for many years until the Skye Dog destroyed him in an episode I like to call "The Rise of the Phoenix."  But that's a story for another time.

I spent my lunch hour running around downtown trying to find the perfect (not too expensive, not too extravagant) gifts for them for VD.  I found light up battery powered spinning tops that look like UFOs.  I think they will be a hit.  They are also each getting a frosted sugar cookie.  I think that's pretty good.

Dead Celeb Snark

So many things from the weekend to comment on.

Whitney Houston died.  Sadly, her career died long before that.  I know, I know, it's too soon and I'll get haters, but it's true.  The woman threw away her career and angelic voice.  Hate all you want, you know it's true.

I missed my Grammy pre-game show.  I was horrified that I forgot - FORGOT! - about a red carpet!!  The Grammys themselves were ok.  The Ladies Love Cool James and I'm one of them.  Aside from Adele, I wasn't too impressed with the performances.  I don't think I'll ever forgive Chris Brown, so I thought there was way too much of him on the program.  What the Hell was that, Nikki Minaj?  I just didn't get it.  Does that mean I'm old?  It does, doesn't it?  Damn it.

I'm craving candy and wish I had a Snickers or a Take 5 or something.

It's budget day and I need to get back to it.  Happy FY 2013, y'all!

Batglasses

Taking Batman to the eye doctor this afternoon for his first visit.  He's been struggling in school and I hope that maybe needing/getting glasses will help.

Except I know it won't, because he's not struggling with seeing stuff, he's struggling with keeping his mouth shut and being respectful of the teachers/librarians/gym teacher/other adults at school.  But a mother can dream, right?

Mommy Dearest

The dogs are strongly considering getting me this for Mother's Day:

I loved it in berry, but it's sold out.  It would have been nice for that color pop that is so on trend right now.  Alas, it may have to be navy.

I love those dogs.

You Say it's Your Birthday!

I've been trying to think of how to describe exactly how bad The Spouse's birthday dinner was.  Y'all, it was bad.  And not the good bad, like sick is now.  But the bad bad, like sick used to be. Norovirus on a cruise ship full of old people, bad.

The Spouse and I took the Dynamic Duo to Famous Dave's for his birthday dinner.  Because Batman refuses to eat nearly anything, we stopped at The Chicken Nugget Store and picked up four boxes of nuggets for the two of them to share.  (We always order Robin a kid's meal with an extra plate and a drink for Batman, and we always tip on the cost of another kids meal so don't think we are stiffing the waitstaff, 'kay.)

From the time we arrived, one of the children - if not both - had their head on the table crying.  The smallest thing set them off.  It was as if we were at a table with PMSing junior high girls.  Oh, the drama!  I wanted to sit next to you.  He has more nuggets than me.  I wanted lemonade, not milk.  No, I meant milk, not lemonade.

The waitress kept asking if there was anything she could do.  Why, yes, you could take the kids out to the car and sit with them while we enjoy our meal in peace.  Or drive us home, so we can drink heavily.  I smiled calmly and said that we were out having a very happy birthday celebration for Daddy, couldn't she tell?

After 12 long hours in kid time - about 45 minutes in real time - dinner was over and we were released back into the wild so we could continue the good times in the privacy of our Batcave.

Happy Birthday, honey.

Momma's Boy

This weekend we will be celebrating The Spouse's birthday.  How to celebrate the birthday of someone who really dislikes his birthday?  I've been trying to answer that question for the past 13 years.

My mother in law spoiled him for any future women by making him a special strawberry cake in special tiered heart shaped cake pans that had to be lined with waxed paper cut just so.  When we got engaged, she gave me the pans and the recipe and told me it was now my job to make the cake.  It was not fun.  Decidedly not fun.  But delicious.  When the Dynamic Duo joined the family, I got The Spouse to agree to new heart shaped pans.  They are not tiered but they are non-stick and don't have to be lined. It has made the job easier.  Easier = highly more likely he will get his cake on or near his birthday and not when I summon the energy to finally outline and cut the damned waxed paper.

Robin has been talking about this all week and can. not. wait. to help me make the cake (though he would prefer it be lemon, thankyouverymuch.)  He was rather disappointed when I told him this morning I would not be baking at the crack of dawn, and we would need to wait until after school/work to get started.  I'm a killjoy.

Lord, beer me strength.

Odds and Ends

What have I been up to when I haven't been here:

• Taking my kids to basketball, soccer, Chuck E. Cheese, the dentist, a playdate/lunch with friends, and for haircuts.  
• Visiting open houses.  No Wayne Manor yet, but lots of possibilities. Trying to figure out which neighborhood in Gotham City to settle on.
• Tap dancing.  It was tough this week.  My legs were tired before I got there and it just made it worse.  
• Getting junk/treasures ready for a consignment sale.
• Walking a friend through cloth diapering, and being sad that my days of cloth diapering were over.  Silly, I know.
• Cleaning up after vomiting dogs and a little boy who can't aim in the toilet.
• Contemplating an anniversary trip with The Spouse.