A Shout Out

My friend Alison started a blog to write all about her love of running.  Why are we friends, you ask?  In all honestly, I don't know.  

• She runs. I run after my kids and/or if someone is chasing me.  
• She's a Mizzou fan. I married into the Cult of the Jayhawk.  
• She gets to buy adorable girl clothes and I'm stuck in boy town. (She does have one boy, but he's outnumbered by his sisters.)  

Despite all this, I like her.

If you want to cyber stalk Alison, here's the link:  Http://Runthatbooty.blogspot.com

I plan to follow along from the safety and comfort of my couch.  Probably with a cookie in hand.

Sequestration

Please note:

When sequestration takes effect, the mini-industry known as Wayne Manor will be forced to make furloughs.  The following will be laid off:

- Nelly and her crew of three.
- Rolando and his assistant
- The hardscaping crew will not be retained for our $40,000 project.
- Solange will be cut back to 4 days per week.

While these cuts are not huge on a national scale, I have to think that Nelly, Rolando, Solange, the landscapers and the people they employ will think otherwise.

VD

Robin was home sick on Friday. We were cuddled on the couch watching tv when a jewelry commercial came on. He asked me if I liked a ring and I said yes, it’s so pretty. 


He said if he has enough money in his allowance he would buy it. I asked if it would be a Valentine’s Day present for me. He said no, for Kristina. I said, Kristina!?! Why not mommy? He said that she was the best girl in his class.

Great. Four years old and he's already tossing me to the side for some cute girl.

Happy VD, bitches!

Another thing I don't care about:

Lipsyncgate - who cares?

Facts:
Beyonce is a much better singer than I am.  I think she has proven time and again that she has some serious pipes.
Beyonce is no Ashlee Simpson.  While they both may have overbearing show business fathers, mothers who think they are fashion designers, sisters who had children out of wedlock, and hail from Texas, one is a serious singer and the other is, um, Ashlee.


I just don't understand how or why this is a scandal.  If Kelly Clarkson played a recording of Beyonce singing and attempted to pass it off as her own voice, THAT would be a scandal.  So, listen up CNN, this is NOT breaking news.  Move on.

Nice knowing you

Very sad to learn that ABC has cancelled "Don't Trust the B in Apartment 23".  Smart, funny, sarcastic show.  I've loved Kristin Ritter since her "Veronica Mars" days (sob...moment of silence for VM.  One of the best shows ever...) and the girl has a bright future ahead of her.  James Van Der Beek as an alternate version of himself was genius.  I never knew he had it in him.

I hope ABC decides to burn off the 8 un-shown episides over the summer.

Joys of home ownership

The latest tabulation for the money pit that is Wayne Manor is $4,000 to repair the chimney.  The masonry is cracked and leaning away from the house.  Yea!!

What does it say about Eddie Cibrian when both the ex wife and the current wife are crazy?

Eh, I don't really care.

Asshat

Obvs, Sheryl Crow dodged a huge bullet.  I wonder when, exactly, she found out what a huge douche Lance Armstrong was.

Busy work

Robin and I got a stomach virus so we stayed home from school/work on Thursday and Friday.  Thursday was fine, but by Friday I had emptied my bag of tricks.  I was too weak/tired/sick to entertain him, and he wasn't sick enough to lay on the couch and watch tv with me.

Out of desperation for something to occupy the kid, I gave him a bucket, a scraper, and a sponge and let him go crazy in the master bathroom.  He stayed busy stripping wallpaper for THREE HOURS.  Three hours, people!!!! He worked for two hours, had lunch and rest time, then asked if he could get back to work.  Um, sure kid.  Knock yourself out.  Sure, the bathroom had standing water and was a mess, but the kid was stripping wallpaper.  I could rent this kid out!

Batman and I helped Robin finish the job on Sunday.  We were proud of ourselves, but Tommy Lee Jones was not impressed with our lack of attention to detail.

Angie's my bitch

After years of ignoring Angie pitch her list to me over and over and over again, I took the plunge and plunked down my credit card shortly before we closed on Wayne Manor.  My favorite discovery about AL is the Deals & Buy Now tab.  It's like Groupons for stuff I actually need.  Very excited about that.  I have had the garage door repaired, gotten two hours of electrician labor, and have arranged to have the gutters cleaned.  I even *gulp* made the plunge into sorting through multiple landscape firms to search for someone to replace rotten retaining walls, fix the deck, and alter drainage in the backyard (did you know that was called "hardscaping"?  I didn't.)

Oh, Wayne Manor, you are the ultimate 1970's groovy money pit.

My Laugh for Today:

THE FART THAT (ALMOST) ALTERED MY DESTINY

Written by Anna. 

http://hahasforhoohas.com/the-fart-that-almost-altered-my-destiny/

Joys of home ownership

The most recent discovery in Wayne Manor is the mold in a basement wall.  I found it while conducting a lead paint test.  So yea!  We passed the lead test.  Boo!  We discovered mold.

Yesterday's estimate to mitigate and repair: $1800.

Thankfully, we are so rich that we had it tucked away in our couch cushions.  Yeah, right.

I love Mean Girls!

http://meangirlsofcapitolhill.tumblr.com/

Happy New Year!

We survived the holidays in the new house.  I spent my day yesterday stripping the wallpaper from the master bathroom.  (By "spent the day" I mean I spent at least an hour on it before I got side tracked by other things.)

Bathroom before:

There is no "after" picture yet.  I hope to have it finished sometime this year.

WTF is wrong with people?

“Making the decision to have a child - it is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ” ― Elizabeth Stone

Never is this more true than when news breaks of a shooting at an elementary school.  We can't take our kids to a movie or a shopping mall, or send them off to high school, but one would think an elementary school would be safe for our children.  

No details have emerged yet, just that there was a shooting and that there is possibly a child fatality.

Simultaneous emotions of relief that it's not Batman's school, fear for those parents, tears for the children.  

This is NOT RIGHT.  Not right at all.

I will never accuse her of being my favorite Bond girl (she's not) - or even a great actress (she's not) - but I think Denise Richards is one stand up classy lady.  You haters will say what you will about her breaking up Heather Locklear's marriage to Richie Sambora (you know you were thinking it), but very few people would take in their ex-husband's twins while their mom is in rehab, especially a single mother of three.  Yes, I'm sure there is help to be hired, child support to receive, etc, but that's still one big hearted gesture.

Today's margarita goes to Denise Richards:

Jango Fett must die!

Mace Windu is a badass, and not just because he is played by Samuel L. Jackson. More importantly, Windu killed Jango Fett.  I wish I could kill Jango Fett - not the intergalactic bounty hunter, but the stupid fucking elf that I have to move every single freakin' night.

Gah.

I hate that damn thing.  My kids named him two years ago as Batman was just discovering Star Wars.  Jango Fett Elf?  Really?  I get that he's evil, but I would have named him Darth Sideous or something more fitting.

Mark my words, he will strangle us all in his sleep.

Little busy, what with carrying two houses and all.  But here's something that made my work day:

I'm not behind this...or am I?

China party's newspaper falls for Onion joke about Kim

 2 hr ago

Fooled into believing the satirical Onion's tribute to Kim Jong Un as the "Sexiest Man Alive for 2012," the People's Daily online site ran a 55-page spread on the North Korean leader.

BEIJING — The online version of China's Communist Party newspaper has hailed a report by The Onion naming North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un as the "Sexiest Man Alive" — not realizing it is satire.

The People's Daily on Tuesday ran a 55-page photo spread on its website in a tribute to the round-faced leader, under the headline "North Korea's top leader named The Onion's Sexiest Man Alive for 2012."

Quoting the Onion's spoof report, the Chinese newspaper wrote, "''With his devastatingly handsome, round face, his boyish charm, and his strong, sturdy frame, this Pyongyang-bred heartthrob is every woman's dream come true."

"Blessed with an air of power that masks an unmistakable cute, cuddly side, Kim made this newspaper's editorial board swoon with his impeccable fashion sense, chic short hairstyle, and, of course, that famous smile," the People's Daily cited The Onion as saying.

The photos the People's Daily selected include Kim on horseback squinting into the light and Kim waving toward a military parade. In other photos, he is wearing sunglasses and smiling, or touring a facility with his wife.

People's Daily could not immediately be reached for comment. A man who answered the phone at the newspaper's duty office said he did not know anything about the report and requested queries be directed to their newsroom on Wednesday morning.

It is not the first time a state-run Chinese newspaper has fallen for a fictional report by The Onion.

In 2002, the Beijing Evening News, one of the capital city's biggest tabloids at the time, published as news the fictional account that the U.S. Congress wanted a new building and that it might leave Washington. The Onion article was a deadpan spoof of the way sports teams threaten to leave cities in order to get new stadiums.

http://news.msn.com/world/china-partys-newspaper-falls-for-onion-joke-about-kim

Troubling Times in the Kingdom

Things are coming together.  Not clicking, per se, or coming together like a zipper would, more like I am hammering a square peg into a round hole and holding it there with super glue.  Nothing has been easy.  I hate to say that, because I'm sure this is preferable to, say, cancer.  OR worse, the kids having cancer.  My little trials and tribulations are things that most people would be grateful to deal with instead of disease, hunger, poverty, dirty water...so I feel bad whining about them, yet I still do.

I've taken the past two months off the blog because something had to give.  Birthdaypalooza on top of selling the Batcave and hunting for Wayne Manor, preparing for Halloween, saying goodbye to dear friends, and trying not to kill the kids or let them kill themselves or each other pushed us over the edge.  The Spouse and I are walking a very fine line of nerves, patience, and finances.  Also, there was some litigation and I didn't want to blog about it in case it was held against me in a court of law.

So, in bullets, here is what has happened since last we met:

• Birthdaypalooza: We are now 4, 7, and 40.  I'm not saying who is which age.  The Spouse is not included in this roll call, because his birthday falls outside the scope of Birthdaypalooza.
• We sold the Batcave.  Finally.  After a crazy set of motherjokers messed with our electrical panel, disconnected our a/c, and tried to make us admit to a leak that DOES NOT EXIST, I vowed to live in the Batcave forever before I would sell it at the insultingly low offer they made.  We have a (seemingly) nice couple lined up to buy it.  We close on Friday.
• We bought Wayne Manor.  We had made an offer on a house, was told it was accepted, papers were signed, and 12 hours later we were told the sellers accepted another offer.  What the huh?  Hence, litigation.  It's over and done and we did not get that house.  In the end, it didn't appraise and they sold it for less than our offer.  So suck on that, motherjokers!
• We got a tip that an elderly couple was getting their house ready to sell.  I knocked on the door to start a conversation and 24 hours later the deal was signed and sealed.  We close on Friday.  It would seem that Wayne Manor might have starred in That 70's House in a previous life.  It's all green shag carpet, metallic wallpaper (coming back in style!), and dark wood faux paneling.  It will be a lot of work and probably deserves its own blog, but who has the time?  
• The Spouse broke a tooth.  On the way to the dentist, he left his car in gear as he briefly got out, resulting in a four car accident in which there was no driver.  And he had to have his tooth pulled. It was a bad day/week for all.
• Our credit card number was hijacked and account frozen.  Great. Since we have to use it to pay the balance on the new carpet install on Friday and movers on Saturday and everything else that goes along with a move.  Yea!  Just another thing to deal with.

I'm sure if I thought about it, there would be a lot more, but I don't want to be a Debbie Downer.  We are getting a great house in a wonderful neighborhood near Batman's school.  It needs some TLC.  Carpet.  Paint.  Grounded Wiring.  A new deck.  Nothing money won't fix.  It's a good thing money is so easy to get.  Right?  RIGHT?!?

In case anyone was wondering...

ou are Cowgirl Madonna

Cowgirl Madonna 100% Mid-80's Madonna 76% Cause-Celeb Madonna 75% Disco Madonna 63% Movie-Star Madonna 56% Blonde Ambition Madonna 50% 80's Madonna 45% Veronica Electronica 44% Political Madonna 44% Rocker Madonna 38% Madge 31% Throw on a plaid shirt, chaps and a cowboy hat! You know what it Feels like for a Girl and are brave enough to try anything, even a mechanical bull. You enjoy a good country two-step with a modern twist because Music makes the people come together! http://www.seabreezecomputers.com/madonna/result2.htm?a=45&b=76&c=50&d=44&e=100&f=44&g=56&h=31&i=63&j=38&k=75

Don't Mind if I Do

Buy this sparkly bangle bracelet?

Today's look

I wish it were more Banana Republic career, but it looks very LL Bean mom.

So THAT'S what's wrong with me...

BEARING SONS CAN ALTER YOUR MIND

Giving a whole new meaning to "pregnancy brain," a new study shows that male DNA – likely left over from pregnancy with a male fetus – can persist in a woman's brain throughout her life, according to a new mouse study. Science, 9/26.