Dear Orthodontists of America -
No one is a bigger fan of you than I am. I truly value your contributions to the beautification of our country, second only to the lasting legacy of Lady Bird Johnson. If there is one thing that America is known for the world over, it is straight healthy smiles - which brings me to our U.S. Olympic Team.
I understand times are tough and the economy isn't what it used to be. The credit market is tight and it's harder to get a loan for that second vacation home, many of you are paying back college loans, and the ex is demanding alimony. Still, I think there are plenty of you that could financially take the hit for sponsoring a U.S. athlete. (Note: Ryan Lochte, a grill does not quality as a brilliant smile, it just means you're a douche representing our country on the world stage.)
It's too late for the 2012 Olympic team, but I beg you to dig deep into your hearts and wallets for the 2014 and 2016 teams. Just think, adopting an athlete could be your version of adopting a highway. You could sponsor local track, swim, or gymnastics meets (just brainstorming.)
As purveyors of straight teeth, you owe it to your country to make sure we are seen in our best light.
Dedicated retainer wearer since 1989
Update, 8/8/12 - I just learned that Lolo Jones was, in fact, the beneficiary of some gifted/price reduced orthodontia. Very cool! Keep America pretty. Now, how about helping some kids who aren't world class athletes?