Monday, September 22, 2014

I wish to thank all the robo-visits that comment to tell me how I can enlarge various parts of my body - though my nose is big enough now, thank you. Your efforts have helped fuel the ads on this blog.  I have no idea how that happens, but thank you.

Robin started kindergarten a few weeks ago.  How did that time fly by so quickly? I'm so sad that my baby is a big kid.  He's still roughly the size of Hagrid and has already lost three teeth.  In comparison, Batman didn't lose any teeth until he was well into first grade.

Wayne Enterprises is struggling along.  It's a thousand cuts daily that bleed the bottom line.  I really should start a "I don't know what I'm doing owning a business" blog.  But I don't have time to write in this one, why should I start another half assed attempt?

Wayne Manor is slowly crumbling around us.  We have a crack in our foundation that slowly seeps water into our basement, but we can't afford to fix it.  We still have mold.  We still have crumbling retailing walls. We still have ivy taking over the backyard, though I do my best to pull it out - it's my therapy.  I can get my agression out.  Also, I grew eight small pumpkins this year.  It's great, but I wanted BIG pumpkins.  {sigh} next year...

I guess that's it.  Just wanted to let the robo-visitors know what's what.

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Hey, loyal subjects!

I closed on my business in late February and have been busy expanding my dictatorship.  There have been some good, some bad, and some ugly moments. There have been many sleepless nights worrying how I will make payroll and rent.  There have been arguments with the power company over why can't I pay a $1,000 deposit over several months the way the gas company is allowing me to.

This blog isn't a business blog, and I've wondered whether I should start one.  I haven't - yet.  But I have left AWSoP (pronounced Ah,whas up!) unattended for several months now.  Apologies to you all, but my time and energy have been sucked up by the new venture.  And little league. Always a freaking little league game.

Love to you all -

Benevolent Dictator

Monday, February 10, 2014

Honey, get the good dishes...

Just in case you were looking for the perfect china cabinet to go over your toilet:


Wednesday, January 29, 2014

I hope I have not lost the invulnerable plunk

I LOVE getting comments from readers of this blog.  Really, words cannot express how excited I get when I am notified that I have a new comment - mostly because this blog is read by exactly three people (and YOU are one of them.  Thanks!)

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Tuesday, January 28, 2014

SOTU to you, too!

Here's my blow by blow of the evening:

In my pjs, have the laptop, cookies in the's time. Bring it on, Barack Obama#SOTU

  • The ceremonial entering of the Cabinet.

  •  Michelle's dress looks comfy. I could sit in that for an hour.

  •  But, ugh, the lack of legroom in her seat.

  • Queen Sheila in the House! Love that pink.

  • H2 lost the SOTU privileges and had to go to bed. He's a much better political buddy than H1.

  • Sister Wife: You are psycho!

  •  If by that you mean awesome, then yes, I am!

  • Female Engineer Friend:  Mary Barra is sitting right behind her. Go GM! Women CEOs rule.

  • Willie Robertson!

    The green tie sets of Boehner's orange. He looks sharp. Biden looks blue in comparison. Point to Boehner.

  • Sister Wife: Nope, meant psycho. Still love ya though and look forward to reading tomorrow the play by play and who wore what best

  •  Hey, Jim Costa! Repping the Central Valley. What, no Jeff Denham?

  •  Look at Ruth Ginsberg's lace collar. She's so cute!

  • Now that I see the three of them up there, Biden's navy suit is washed out. Nope. Should have worn black.

  •  Go FARM BILL!!!

  • Stand up, sit down, fight, fight, fight!

  •  Lots of empty seats tonight. People keeping their distance. Shall I remind them that the US Constitution states the President must report to Congress on the SOTU? It's their job to sit through this.

  •  Is that navy? It looks cobalt.

  • Oh, Paul Ryan, how I miss your ears. They remind me of my Granddad.

  • Fellow Californian Expat: It's navy... cobalt means your tv is stuck in the 90s

  • Sorority Sister weighing in from the West Coast:  I'm not watching but I hear Obama gave another shout out to Boner, which means he'll be crying for the next week at least.

  •  Me, "There's Sen. Feinstein. I used to work for her." Batman, "Back in the 1900s?" Me, feeling ancient, "yes..."

  •  Cantor appears in need of a poop.

  •  Do you think John Kerry is sitting there thinking of the speech HE would have given?

  •  I make pitifully little money for being a high powered Washington lobbyist.

  •  But I'm not making minimum wage nor raising my family in poverty...

  • Robin was down throwing a fit because he smelled the cookies but couldn't have any. I'm a horrible parent.
  • Cathy McMorris Rogers is an amazing woman. I don't agree with her politics or what she's wearing tonight, but she's accomplished more than I ever will.

  • Apparently, Cathy's parents talk like Kenneth from 30 Rock.
  • Eh, I'm not sure my job gives me dignity.
  • See, Spouse, she can have three kids and a high powered job...we are such underachievers.

ABC isn't covering the Tea Party rebuttal.  Aw crap, it's snowing again.

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Run for your lives, it's the Polar Vortex Part Deux!

Sorry I'm not posting much lately, but if I stop moving I will freeze to death and die. My imminent demise is not worth blogging about.

Take care, stay warm.

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Expanding the Dictatorship

My loan was approved!!!! This has been YEARS in the making. Business ownership, here I come (fingers crossed). Don't worry, folks, I'm not quitting my day job because the children seem to like being able to eat.

I'm super excited to be the next Evil Overlord of Wayne Enterprises!

Monday, January 6, 2014

Homeowner with ADD

I have a mountain of wood in the backyard that was fished out the pool this winter.  The cover is shredded and will need to be replaced.  I'm seriously considering replacing the pool with an underground bunker.  It will fill in the space AND feed my inner survivalist/conspiracy theorist. (Of course, it's never good to feed the paranoia, but I am a fan of the new Eminem song, The Monster.)

Did you know that there is a Pinterest board dedicated to underground bunkers?  Of course you did.

I finished painting the kitchen this weekend - and by finished, I mean that I got all the wall areas done with a first and second coat (except for the area behind the stove that still had a plexiglass cover over wallpaper because The Spouse won't pull out the stove.  But it's very museum-like, so maybe I can convince people it's a peak back into 1973?).  I haven't even begun to dream of when I might do the trim.

When we first bought Wayne Manor, I had planned to use Rustoleum Cabinet Transformations to paint the cabinets "Federal Gray".

Rustoleum Cabinet Transformation....Federal Gray

Then I had a change of heart and decided that a wood color would look better, so bought it in Cabernet.

Kitchen Ideas:  Rustoleum Cabinet Transformations - Cabernet Glazed.  Counter: Desert Sand.  Brushed nickel hardware and stainless steel appliances & a nice backsplash would make it look way nicer.

But now I'm wavering back to the gray because I won't be able to afford to replace the awesome green floor and counters for, oh, years.

The paint color on the walls is Silver Drop, by Behr.  It's a great neutral with a touch of warm green to it.  It's also the exact paint color we used in the Batcave and have now carried over to Wayne Manor primarily to save The Spouse from angst over another decision:

Oh, how I miss the old kitchen!

New Kitchen - The Row

The trim is White Dove by Benjamin Moore:

white dove benjamin moore - Trim and cabinets

But, of course, all of this is predicated on me finding the right Time/Energy equation to make this all happen.  But I think I'll postpone painting the trim until I decide on the cabinets...right?

Monday, December 30, 2013

Goodbye Wallpaper!

The old adage "the right tools for the job" is indeed true.  I bought a second hand wallpaper steamer and gave it a shot on the kitchen of Wayne Manor:

There's not much to see in this bad camera phone photo, but that's the point:

The green counters and floors remain, but the wallpaper is gone.  G O N E, gone!  It took me a year to get the energy/time to do this much, so probably another year before I tackle the cabinets.

Friday, December 20, 2013

Thursday, December 19, 2013

Holiday Expectations

A few years ago I had a total breakdown in the middle of my Martha Stewart Christmas.  I was trying to give my family the perfect Christmas and they lapped it up while I lost my mind. In one of my less finer moments, I screamed at The Spouse that I was sick of this shit and not going to do it anymore.

Contrary to magazine articles that say people won't miss things if you downsize your holiday, I knew that my family of assholes would gripe over the shit I wasn't doing. But I was stressed, exhausted, and OVER IT. We started a new tradition.

A couple of weeks before Christmas, everyone gets to choose one thing that they want to do - that without it, it wouldn't feel like Christmas.  This year, The Spouse wanted me to make his mom's bourbon balls, Robin wanted to help me make Christmas cookies, and Batman wanted to watch a movie.  I have two of those three crossed off my list, and just the movie to go.

Of course, that doesn't mean there isn't a house to decorate, tree to get, cards to design, address, and mail and the fucking Elf of the Shelf that is going to kill me in my sleep.  I still do everything I want to do - for me and if the family gets any seasonal joy out of it it's icing on their holiday cake.

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Let the Bragging Begin!

Season’s Greetings from Wayne Manor

Dear Friends and Family – 

It’s been a year since we moved into Wayne Manor. We went from living on top of one another in the townhouse to losing each other in the big house. The first week of our move, Robin could not find the bathroom and just last month, he discovered a new room in the house – the laundry room. (Let me assure you, he will become more and more familiar with this room in the coming years.) Some parts of the new house have been truly wonderful while others have the potential to bankrupt us. 

One of the best parts of the new house has been the ability to comfortably have guests. We were blessed to have Jill’s grandmother come out from California to visit the Dynamic Duo. Jill’s dad also visited and took in Little League opening ceremonies and Batman’s first baseball game. We could not get rid of Jill’s mom who has already picked out the room for her hospice care, though, God willing, that won’t be for a very long time. The Spouse’s dad came out to visit as well, and SMIL took Jill to lunch with the First Lady while they were in town (ooh la la! Yes, we both felt very fancy that day!)

The new house has also given Jill the space to bring home junk treasures from estate and yard sales. She refinished furniture and fencing in the garage while The Spouse rolled his eyes and sort of tolerated it. She also found a childhood dream – her own Barbie Dream House! Christmas in August! Her garden was a time consuming failure, but she tells herself that it will be better next year with amended soil and better plant placement. The Spouse worked hard to maintain the pool which the adults hate and the children love. People in Northern Virginia have no business having a private pool. We tell ourselves that it will be worth it when the kids are older…if we can last that long before filling it in.

Despite Jill’s denial, the kids continue to grow. Her babies are now eight and five. Batman fell in love with baseball this year, and Robin tolerated being drug to games and practices and attended his first professional game (with seats behind home plate! Enjoy this once-in-a-lifetime chance, kid.) Robin has been decorating the new house with sharpies and chalk (on the walls and wood floors.) His great grandmother thinks he is quite the artist while his parents argue that he is just a stinker. Sally and Leo are still with us, guarding the house against Vikings and pillagers. The kids are lobbying hard for a puppy because our old dogs are no fun. Eh, puppy breath and potty training are overrated. I’ll take housebroken and boring any day.

We wish you a happy and healthy 2014!

With love,

Jill, The Spouse, Batman, and Robin (Sally and Leo, too!)

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

I love you, Jake Ryan

Happy Belated Birthday to my boyfriend, Michael Schoeffling.  Only you saw the swan hiding behind middle school fashion disasters, thick glasses, and braces.  I love that you are secure enough in our relationship to keep it a secret, and that you don't feel compelled to jump on couches at an Oprah taping.  You light up my life, baby.

Jake Ryan, "Yeah, you" photo yeahyou_zps73a1521a.gif

Friday, December 6, 2013

The forest is alive with the sound of Carrie!

I suffered through The Sound of Music Live last night.  Here are my observations as tweeted/facebooked:

  • Not loving the first 15 minutes. Maybe it will improve when she leaves the abbey.
  • The yodeling was good, but there's no chemistry to her acting.
  • Ironically, my boys are now enthralled. I'm pretty shocked. it's like watching Calliou - i don't get it but they like it.
  • My kids are quiet as can be, watching and enjoying it. Batman said he really liked this show.
  • On the plus side, it's wholesome. You can always leave it on and go take a bath.

All in all, I was totally underwhelmed. Pretty surprised I sat through the entire thing. Of course, I was also reading a book.

Long live Julie Andrews!

Thursday, December 5, 2013

Last night I dreamed that I was making bunuelos with Colin Kaepernick. No idea what that was about, but they were tasty. 

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree...

When I was living and working in Saipan, I had a pair of smoking slippers just like this:

Velvet Smoking Slippers  //  Black Velvet Tapestry Flats  //  Festive Holiday Embroidered Christmas Tree Flat Driving Shoes  //  Size 6. $48.00, via Etsy.

I had no idea they would ever come back in style.  They would have been sweet for this holiday season.  Alas, I'm sure they are in a landfill in the CNMI.