WTF is wrong with people?

“Making the decision to have a child - it is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ” ― Elizabeth Stone

Never is this more true than when news breaks of a shooting at an elementary school.  We can't take our kids to a movie or a shopping mall, or send them off to high school, but one would think an elementary school would be safe for our children.  

No details have emerged yet, just that there was a shooting and that there is possibly a child fatality.

Simultaneous emotions of relief that it's not Batman's school, fear for those parents, tears for the children.  

This is NOT RIGHT.  Not right at all.

I will never accuse her of being my favorite Bond girl (she's not) - or even a great actress (she's not) - but I think Denise Richards is one stand up classy lady.  You haters will say what you will about her breaking up Heather Locklear's marriage to Richie Sambora (you know you were thinking it), but very few people would take in their ex-husband's twins while their mom is in rehab, especially a single mother of three.  Yes, I'm sure there is help to be hired, child support to receive, etc, but that's still one big hearted gesture.

Today's margarita goes to Denise Richards:

Jango Fett must die!

Mace Windu is a badass, and not just because he is played by Samuel L. Jackson. More importantly, Windu killed Jango Fett.  I wish I could kill Jango Fett - not the intergalactic bounty hunter, but the stupid fucking elf that I have to move every single freakin' night.

Gah.

I hate that damn thing.  My kids named him two years ago as Batman was just discovering Star Wars.  Jango Fett Elf?  Really?  I get that he's evil, but I would have named him Darth Sideous or something more fitting.

Mark my words, he will strangle us all in his sleep.

Little busy, what with carrying two houses and all.  But here's something that made my work day:

I'm not behind this...or am I?

China party's newspaper falls for Onion joke about Kim

 2 hr ago

Fooled into believing the satirical Onion's tribute to Kim Jong Un as the "Sexiest Man Alive for 2012," the People's Daily online site ran a 55-page spread on the North Korean leader.

BEIJING — The online version of China's Communist Party newspaper has hailed a report by The Onion naming North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un as the "Sexiest Man Alive" — not realizing it is satire.

The People's Daily on Tuesday ran a 55-page photo spread on its website in a tribute to the round-faced leader, under the headline "North Korea's top leader named The Onion's Sexiest Man Alive for 2012."

Quoting the Onion's spoof report, the Chinese newspaper wrote, "''With his devastatingly handsome, round face, his boyish charm, and his strong, sturdy frame, this Pyongyang-bred heartthrob is every woman's dream come true."

"Blessed with an air of power that masks an unmistakable cute, cuddly side, Kim made this newspaper's editorial board swoon with his impeccable fashion sense, chic short hairstyle, and, of course, that famous smile," the People's Daily cited The Onion as saying.

The photos the People's Daily selected include Kim on horseback squinting into the light and Kim waving toward a military parade. In other photos, he is wearing sunglasses and smiling, or touring a facility with his wife.

People's Daily could not immediately be reached for comment. A man who answered the phone at the newspaper's duty office said he did not know anything about the report and requested queries be directed to their newsroom on Wednesday morning.

It is not the first time a state-run Chinese newspaper has fallen for a fictional report by The Onion.

In 2002, the Beijing Evening News, one of the capital city's biggest tabloids at the time, published as news the fictional account that the U.S. Congress wanted a new building and that it might leave Washington. The Onion article was a deadpan spoof of the way sports teams threaten to leave cities in order to get new stadiums.

http://news.msn.com/world/china-partys-newspaper-falls-for-onion-joke-about-kim

Troubling Times in the Kingdom

Things are coming together.  Not clicking, per se, or coming together like a zipper would, more like I am hammering a square peg into a round hole and holding it there with super glue.  Nothing has been easy.  I hate to say that, because I'm sure this is preferable to, say, cancer.  OR worse, the kids having cancer.  My little trials and tribulations are things that most people would be grateful to deal with instead of disease, hunger, poverty, dirty water...so I feel bad whining about them, yet I still do.

I've taken the past two months off the blog because something had to give.  Birthdaypalooza on top of selling the Batcave and hunting for Wayne Manor, preparing for Halloween, saying goodbye to dear friends, and trying not to kill the kids or let them kill themselves or each other pushed us over the edge.  The Spouse and I are walking a very fine line of nerves, patience, and finances.  Also, there was some litigation and I didn't want to blog about it in case it was held against me in a court of law.

So, in bullets, here is what has happened since last we met:

• Birthdaypalooza: We are now 4, 7, and 40.  I'm not saying who is which age.  The Spouse is not included in this roll call, because his birthday falls outside the scope of Birthdaypalooza.
• We sold the Batcave.  Finally.  After a crazy set of motherjokers messed with our electrical panel, disconnected our a/c, and tried to make us admit to a leak that DOES NOT EXIST, I vowed to live in the Batcave forever before I would sell it at the insultingly low offer they made.  We have a (seemingly) nice couple lined up to buy it.  We close on Friday.
• We bought Wayne Manor.  We had made an offer on a house, was told it was accepted, papers were signed, and 12 hours later we were told the sellers accepted another offer.  What the huh?  Hence, litigation.  It's over and done and we did not get that house.  In the end, it didn't appraise and they sold it for less than our offer.  So suck on that, motherjokers!
• We got a tip that an elderly couple was getting their house ready to sell.  I knocked on the door to start a conversation and 24 hours later the deal was signed and sealed.  We close on Friday.  It would seem that Wayne Manor might have starred in That 70's House in a previous life.  It's all green shag carpet, metallic wallpaper (coming back in style!), and dark wood faux paneling.  It will be a lot of work and probably deserves its own blog, but who has the time?  
• The Spouse broke a tooth.  On the way to the dentist, he left his car in gear as he briefly got out, resulting in a four car accident in which there was no driver.  And he had to have his tooth pulled. It was a bad day/week for all.
• Our credit card number was hijacked and account frozen.  Great. Since we have to use it to pay the balance on the new carpet install on Friday and movers on Saturday and everything else that goes along with a move.  Yea!  Just another thing to deal with.

I'm sure if I thought about it, there would be a lot more, but I don't want to be a Debbie Downer.  We are getting a great house in a wonderful neighborhood near Batman's school.  It needs some TLC.  Carpet.  Paint.  Grounded Wiring.  A new deck.  Nothing money won't fix.  It's a good thing money is so easy to get.  Right?  RIGHT?!?

In case anyone was wondering...

ou are Cowgirl Madonna

Cowgirl Madonna 100% Mid-80's Madonna 76% Cause-Celeb Madonna 75% Disco Madonna 63% Movie-Star Madonna 56% Blonde Ambition Madonna 50% 80's Madonna 45% Veronica Electronica 44% Political Madonna 44% Rocker Madonna 38% Madge 31% Throw on a plaid shirt, chaps and a cowboy hat! You know what it Feels like for a Girl and are brave enough to try anything, even a mechanical bull. You enjoy a good country two-step with a modern twist because Music makes the people come together! http://www.seabreezecomputers.com/madonna/result2.htm?a=45&b=76&c=50&d=44&e=100&f=44&g=56&h=31&i=63&j=38&k=75

Don't Mind if I Do

Buy this sparkly bangle bracelet?

Today's look

I wish it were more Banana Republic career, but it looks very LL Bean mom.

So THAT'S what's wrong with me...

BEARING SONS CAN ALTER YOUR MIND

Giving a whole new meaning to "pregnancy brain," a new study shows that male DNA – likely left over from pregnancy with a male fetus – can persist in a woman's brain throughout her life, according to a new mouse study. Science, 9/26. 

Fashion Fail

This morning was a rush to get the Batcave ready for a would-be buyer to take a second look at it, get myself and Robin dressed, drop Robin at preschool, and get Sally and Leo to doggie daycamp.  Somewhere in there, my outfit for the day fell apart.

My pants are too short.  They are about eight years old and I have to doubt that they were ever long enough, but I'm 6' and it's impossible to find suit pants that are long enough.  That is why I secretly replaced all of my black suit pants with Gap Premium Black pants.  Except this suit is heather gray and really needs to be donated.  But I needed light gray pants, not a dark charcoal gray, and therefore am wearing pants that are too short.

Also, I have to question the wisdom of wearing black knowing that the dogs needed to be walked, transported and delivered to DD.  Dumb, dumb, dumb.  I'm covered in slobber and fur and had to pick up two ginormous monster shits.

On the bright side, it's Thursday.  TV is back!  Son of a bitch, it's only Wednesday!

Let's Go Nats!

Because I am a good wife and mother, I bought post-season tickets to the Nationals for The Spouse and Batman.  Robin and I will find something else to do, something that doesn't require me to spend $70 just to walk him around and feed him pretzels.

mmm, pretzels....

9/11/12

I'm not loving today.  It's a Tuesday.  The weather is too perfect.  I can feel fall in the air.  The sky is too blue.  It's too much like 9/11.  I wore a new suit on that day and could never bring myself to wear it again.  It's still hanging in my closet - though, it's a different closet than the one I had 11 years ago.

It took me three hours to get to work today.  THREE HOURS!!  POTUS was at the Pentagon and a bunch of the roads were closed off.  Did they bother to say he would be there so that people could take alternate routes?  Um, no.  In the interest of national security and all that. 

I'm crabby.

PSA

Whatever you do: Do NOT listen to Taylor Swift's "Ronan" without a full box of kleenex.  And NOT while you are driving.

That is all.

Gotta Go Back, Back, Back to School again...

As loyal fans will recall, Batman came home from his first day of kindergarten with a shiner.  

Today, on the first day of first grade, the new after school provider called to say she couldn't find Batman.  Great.  Nothing like a phone call about one's missing kid when one is 15 miles (or one hour - traffic, natch) away.  It felt like a Sally Field movie.

I described what Batman was wearing and prayed it was a case of them not recognizing each other.  A phone call a few minutes later let me know he had been located.

Phew.  I'll go have my heart attack now.

Sorry, honey

Cindernella, That's My Name!

When I was a kid (this was before we moved into the new house, so I must have been about four) I had the best Cinderella book with a read-a-long record.  It was the best thing ever because I quickly learned to sing the song and insert my name into the song - especially when asked to do chores around the house.  This continued well into my high school years.  Now, as an adult, I still sing it either in my head or aloud to the family.  They hate this song.

If you would like to hear it set to music, the MP3 can be located here.

Lyrics to "Work Work Work"
Work, work, work, I try not to complain
Washing, mending, stretching bending,
Every day's the same.

Work, work, work, I try not to complain
Sweeping, dusting, cooking, scrubbing...
Why, it's changed my name!

Once, I was just little Ella,
That's how I began
Now, I am a Cinder Ella
Always in my cinder place with ashes on my hands and face, I am!

Work, work, work, I try not to complain
Washing, mending, stretching bending,
Every day's the same.

Work, work, work, I try not to complain
Sweeping, dusting, cooking, scrubbing...
Why, it's changed my name!

It's "Cinderella" that, and "Cinderella" this
and "Cinderella, hurry and get to it!"
Why, the way they worry me
They hurry me and scurry me and always try to hurry me to do it!

Work, work, work, I try not to complain
Washing, mending, stretching bending,
Every day's the same.

Work, work, work, I try not to complain
Sweeping, dusting, cooking, scrubbing... (Cinderella!)
That's my name!

Update: There is a YouTube version:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-yxKvrzevag

Just a note of appreciation

Dear Todd Akin -

Thanks!

Sincerely,

Liberal Who Hopes the Senate Doesn't Swing to the Right

I think Draco wins it.

I am not 40. Yet.

I laughed so hard that I am crying, sobbing, at my desk.

Here is the second trailer.
http://www.deadline.com/2012/08/hot-trailer-this-is-40/

Marty, you might not want to watch.  I don't want to freak you out before it's time.

Dedicated to Dr. Nagy

Dear Orthodontists of America -

No one is a bigger fan of you than I am.  I truly value your contributions to the beautification of our country, second only to the lasting legacy of Lady Bird Johnson.  If there is one thing that America is known for the world over, it is straight healthy smiles - which brings me to our U.S. Olympic Team.

I understand times are tough and the economy isn't what it used to be.  The credit market is tight and it's harder to get a loan for that second vacation home, many of you are paying back college loans, and the ex is demanding alimony.  Still, I think there are plenty of you that could financially take the hit for sponsoring a U.S. athlete.  (Note: Ryan Lochte, a grill does not quality as a brilliant smile, it just means you're a douche representing our country on the world stage.)

It's too late for the 2012 Olympic team, but I beg you to dig deep into your hearts and wallets for the 2014 and 2016 teams.  Just think, adopting an athlete could be your version of adopting a highway.  You could sponsor local track, swim, or gymnastics meets (just brainstorming.)

As purveyors of straight teeth, you owe it to your country to make sure we are seen in our best light.

Sincerely,

Jill
Dedicated retainer wearer since 1989

Update, 8/8/12 - I just learned that Lolo Jones was, in fact, the beneficiary of some gifted/price reduced orthodontia.  Very cool!  Keep America pretty.  Now, how about helping some kids who aren't world class athletes?

Because beating a dead horse is funny

To CFA or not CFA? Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.

I'm boycotting Chick-Fil-A.

In the interest of full disclosure, I don't like the food and neither do the Superheroes, so perhaps "boycotting" isn't the best term to describe my relationship with CFA. (Which is too bad, because they *are* clean and they do have nice play areas - looking at you, McDs.)  What I have found interesting are the varied reactions on my Facebook page to the news that corporate CFA opposes gay marriage.  I'm glad that I have a variety of friends and family that come does on both sides of this issue, but I find the whole thing a little...dumb.  Yes, I believe that is the word I am looking for.  Dumb. I think it's gotten out of hand.

I consider myself to be a Christian but not the evangelical kind.  More of the live the good life-follow your own path- don't make me come down there kind.  I'm also pretty liberal in my politics and libertarian when it comes to people's personal lives.  I am opposed to the government being in anyone's bedroom because I can't handle the pressure of trying to perform for the likes of the Religious Right.  (Can you imagine?  It would be really uncomfortable.  Ok, now I have to throw up a little bit.)

I support and believe in gay marriage because I think they should have to pay the marriage penalty like everyone else.  And I really want my Gay Husband to find a nice socially connected architect who owns a beach house and will let us borrow it.  (No pressure, honey.)  And the gay wedding industry will kick start the American economy.  And it's really no one's business but their own. And I still can't exactly put my finger on how two men getting married somehow endangers my own marriage.  But I digress.

I think Chick-Fil-A, as a privately held family own company, is entitled to say and support whatever it believes in, though I think it's hypocritical to quote Leviticus in discriminating against gays (18:22 and 20:13), but not to observe Leviticus when it comes to pork on the breakfast menu (11:7-8).  Silly, you say?  Sure, but I'm in violation of holding a grudge (19:18) and not loving my neighbor as I love myself - though I try and that's why I love my gays but some people just irritate the hell out of me.

Anyway, support CFA, don't support CFA.  Doesn't matter to me.  I don't support hate, and I wouldn't patronize a place that thought marriage between two blacks or two Jews was wrong.  But if eating a chicken sandwich makes you feel like you are taking a stand for God and family, do what you need to do.

Wow.  Now I really want some Popeyes.  Aw, crap.

Ch Ch Ch Changes

I'm not sure how I feel about this, so feel I must get my thoughts written down to help me process this transition.

Snoop Dogg has changed his name.  He would now like to be known as Snoop Lion.  According to the article I read, he feels it's time for him to move beyond hip hop into reggae (also, he's the reincarnation of Bob Marley, but I'm going to ignore that for now.)  He promises his reggae will be family friendly, something I can listen to with the children (not that I have ever stopped listening to Snoop in the car.  What?  Gin and Juice is fine.)

Now, I loves me some Snoop and loves me some reggae, so I think I can accept this, as long as two conditions are met:

1) This is a one time only name change.  If this becomes a Puff Daddy, P. Diddy, Diddy, Sean Combs thing, I'm out.

2) When I win the Powerball and buy my gentleman's farm in Virginia horse country, I expect Snoop Dogg to play the housewarming.  A little reggae is ok, but I'm paying for old school hip hop.  Capice?