Thursday, September 15, 2011

I'm busy actually working this week.  My line of work is very hurry-up-and-wait.  Rush, rush, rush, then sit around and wait to be called, wait for your bill to come up on the floor, wait for someone to sign off on something.  It's almost like being a model or an actress, except I don't have to worry so much about my figure, it doesn't pay as well, and I'm not famous.

Today's picture of my object of inexpensive lust is brought to you by a period of hurry up and wait and the clusterfuck that was Target's Missoni role out.  I missed out on getting anything from that collection, but Target's website helpfully suggested this bag.  It is so me. 

Speaking of Target, shopping at Target has taken on an entirely new level of awareness now that I'm stalking following Marty.  She has recently started working at a Target - not my Target - and it's interesting to read her take on my Happiest Place on Earth. 

On Saturday, our new floor was getting repaired (already! harrumph!) so I had to get the Dynamic Duo out of the house.  After terrorizing our favorite bagel shop, Batman asked if he could go to Target to add things to his birthday list.  I told him I needed to buy some things, so that worked just fine. 

As the three of us wandered up and down the toy aisle, our birthday list grew as did the pile of clearance summer items in our cart.  Stuff was 75% off, and we can always use a larger inflatable pool next summer to get our White Trash on in the front yard.  And goggles.  And kickboards.  And a slip-n-slide with an inflatable curve.  Yes, yes, yes, bring on the bargains!  Then it was time for Mommy to get the things she needed. 

All I really needed was some Grip It shelf liner for the new kitchen.  We wandered up and down the kitchen aisles.  For the love of God, man, where is that stuff?  Batman and Robin began to get more and more rambunctious.  One can only say, "Boys, don't run," so many times before they completely tune it out.  After one especially egregious transgression, I put Batman in the cart.  The child is HUGE, there is no way he belongs in the child seat of a Target cart, but after much maneuvering, he was wedged in there.  Then Robin let loose his inner freak and began to run, hide, ignore me completely.  I gave him a warning and said if he didn't walk with me and hold my hand (as I was trying to push his oversize brother and all my crap in the cart) then I would put away the things I was going to buy for them.  He whined and held my hand for .05 seconds then ran off.  So I put an item on the shelf.  This continued until he was in full fledged meltdown mode and there was a trail of clearance summer merchandise in our wake. 

Eventually (you know how it feels like several lifetimes but is really only about one minute?) I picked him up and carried him to check out as he literally screamed in my face.  I calmly checked out, paid, and got everything to the Batmobile as he screamed in my face and hit me a few times.  I told him he was going home to Daddy while Batman and I went to the library.  More screaming and kicking.  Wrangling Robin into his car seat felt like trying to get a greased pig into a car seat if the greased pig were trying to pull my hair and scratch my face.  Meanwhile, Batman was still wedged into the Target cart and I was hoping it wouldn't roll away while I was dealing with Robin. 

Once we were all in the Batmobile and the cart returned to its cart corral, I blasted the 80's on 8 to cover up the sounds of screaming from the back seat.  Take on me, take on me. Mommy, I can't want to stay with Daddy! Take me on, take on me. Mom-MEE, I can't want to go home! I'll be gone... 

Sorry, Target team members.  I'm glad I was wearing a hat and I hope the security cameras didn't get a good headshot so I can't be barred from the store. 

The universe made it up to me by leaving me a copy of Lisa See's Dreams of Joy at the library.  It has since been devoured and is so so good!

1 comment:

  1. Haha! Never fear, the screaming meltdown parade is surprisingly common to witness and most Target employees don't even blink at the sight of it.

    Oh, and at least the stores out here like to hide shelf liner in the aisle with the mops and brooms over by cleaning supplies ;-)